If you’re in a long-term relationship and you’ve found that things have gotten a little, well, stale, don’t worry. You are not alone. Couples often find themselves in a rut, enduring monotonous and routine sex. But if you and your gal are up for it, nothing spices up things in the ol’ boudoir more than a little erotic role playing.
High School Principle
Have her put on a sexy little school girl’s uniform and invite her into your office. Tell her she’s been a very naughty girl, then refuse to recommend her to any of your buddies at the top tier schools. (hint: to really spice things up, put a shit load of typos in her let of recommendation!).
Get yourself a police uniform and have her dress up as Rodney King then chase her through the streets for awhile at high speeds before pulling her over, beating her up, and making love to her while spectators video tape.
Start a small grease fire under the bed. At first she’ll just think that your awesome love making is what’s getting her so hot. Then, when she realizes what’s going on, you can be an actual hero fireman and rescue her before her entire place burns down (tip: you can also let her burn a little bit before rescuing her, so she won’t be as attractive to other dudes anymore).
Women get turned on by the idea of two things:
1. being submissive, and
2. Wealthy men
So get her twice as turned on by mentioning how great of condition your 401k is and how much your boss loves you while forcing yourself on her.
Come up from your impoverished background by working hard and focusing on honing yourself as an athlete. be a promising freshman quarterback hand picked by the coach himself to lead the team. Get hit the wrong way in your second college game and have a permanent spinal injury that keeps you from playing football ever again. Get a job from your uncle working at a loading dock, retreat into yourself and never come back. This will all be a huge turn on for your wife.
The Man She Thought You’d Be By Now
Just for one night, pretend you didn’t squander your young potential through a series of terrible financial decisions, incompetence at work, and alcoholism, and act like the man that you both thought you’d be by now. You’re a successful man for tonight – not a balding failure! (and your penis still works).