12 Cool Things To Do While Stranded On A Desert Island With A Hot Chick

Published on April 7th, 2011
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Being stranded on a desert island with a hot chick is like going to a strip club – the girl has to talk to you and there’s a good chance of seeing her naked. But on a desert island, you don’t have throw ones at her face AND she can’t run and tell her manager on you.

While there’s literally trillions of cool stuff you can do, here’s 12 of them that you should do right off the bat:

Make a lot of witty references about her “coconuts” for awhile before just saying “rip of the tattered remains of that shirt already and show me your damn tits.”

Warning: if she somehow makes a radio out of coconuts and twigs and seawater and whatever, be prepared for her to tune into some shitty county music station or top 40 bullshit.

Since you won’t likely to have any alcohol on the island, you have no way of tricking her into thinking you’re better looking than you really are. So first thing to do when you land on the island is to throw away her contacts and glasses immediately.

Whatever you do, don’t let her find your hole with all your poop in it. That could really gross her out.

If there’s two chicks, they’re most likely going to freeze you out and just try to dyke out amongst themselves. That’s why it’s super imperative you immediately steal all their island-made double headed dildos and refuse to give them back until one of them lets you finger their boobs.

Put on a talent show for her to get her to laugh (if that doesn’t work, just tie her down with coconut leaves and tickle the shit out of her)

If you find the skeletal remains of some other people who crashed there before you, pick up the dude’s thigh bone, point it at the chick, and say, “I finally got that boner I told you I was going to be able to get one day.”

Regardless of what the actual rules are, tell her that it’s legal to go topless on the beach. If someone happens to show up to arrest her, you’ll be so happy that you’re rescued from this dessert island that you won’t even give a fuck if she has to go to jail for the rest of her life for indecent exposure! Ha ha, you stupid dumb chick!

Be sure to read any messages in a bottle that appear before she gets a chance to, juts in case there’s some really hot guy stranded on a nearby island.

If it’s one of those really small islands from like the Far Side (see below), do all your masturbating when climbing that one palm tree. When the load lands on her head, tell her you think that’s a sign from God above that she should show you her boobs.

If you build a raft to escape from the island, make sure the sleeping compartment only has one bedif you know what we’re saying. (Just be sure to have him and her bathrooms, however, girls need a lot of counter space).

After awhile, she should be getting pretty horny, so be sure to remove any phallic-shaped objects appearing naturally on the island so that the only thing phallicly shaped will be your you-know-what (your ding dong (only works if your ding dong is normal ding dong shape)).

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