Women are almost never aroused. They are predisposed by nature to only want to have sex either when they are just finished playing tennis or about to drown. And, in the United States, it is unfortunately only legal to have sex with a women when she wants you to have sex with her. Except on leap year (a lot of guys don’t know this, and it comes in handy). Which means that American men have to learn to know when a woman will be willing to have sex with them if they are going to get any (except on leap year, when all they need is either a big woman-catching net or the patience to wait until she is asleep).
MANosterone, your one stop shop for all your male needs, has thankfully made it easy by compiling a list of the top 8 times when women are at their horniest, so you can know when to ask that all important, ancient question, “Hello I am Mr. _______, I have been looking for a place to have my penis be, would you like to be that place?”
The Top 8 Times When Women Are At Their Horniest:
1. During a job interview.
2. Upon just finishing a letter informing them that a much beloved animal they own has been run over by a car.
3. After getting hit with a hockey puck.
4. While being exposed to dangerous levels of radiation.
5. At the exact moment they enter REM sleep.
6. After having spent all day tied to wooden stick in a field of corn and being forced at gunpoint to pretend she is a scarecrow.
7. During their Daytime Emmy acceptance speech.
8. While riding bareback on a genetically modified praying mantis with size and strength of a small elephant.