By Sledge, 11 Time World UFC Champion/ Life Coach
Just because Sledge is the 11 time world UFC champion doesn’t mean Sledge can’t take some Sledge time to go on a date with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend!
The most important thing to set up during third wheel situation is boundaries so right away Sledge makes sure on any third wheel date to:
1: Make sure the restaurant has a regulation size cage to fight in, or failing that, chairs that are hard enough to momentarily knock someone out, but not hard enough to do enough internal damage that it will be an immediate problem.
2: See that flirting between Sledge and significant other remains on the friend level. This can be achieved by having any grappling Sledge and the significant other do stay off the ground. Also, any grabbing of breasts should only be to wrap around neck to facilitate a TKO.
3. All horse-kicking of significant other’s midsection should be accompanied by the phrase, “God you and Randy look great together!”
Once boundaries have been established Sledge then immediately looks for opportunities as third wheel to create a relaxed atmosphere where the focus is light-hearted conversation. Sledge likes to shotgun a six pack of “No Fear” energy drink to give himself the courage to remain light-hearted. Sometimes Sledge’s heart beats so fast from the “No Fear” energy drink that he throws up a little blood, but that’s the price you pay for quality time, if you ask Sledge. And you had better ask Sledge.
Sledge is great at light-hearted conversation so he, being me, likes to start the ball rolling with such conversation starters as, “Rawwwrrr! You’re gonna be meat!” or, “Get ready to get bashed!” When other people start conversations they bring up things that aren’t bashing or protein powder or how long it takes to spike your hair in the morning, which are the three things that matter, so in those situations what Sledge likes to do is get sleepy and angry from being confused and pick up and crush salt shakers in his hands while staring with dead eyes at the couple until the couple he’s with gets scared and talks more about what kind of hair gel has the most protein.
Once the date is done if you haven’t somehow gotten Fox Motocross or Axe Body Spray to sponsor your next fight you have failed yourself and your responsibilities as the third wheel of the date and you must punish yourself by enrolling in a welterweight fight against an effeminate Luchadore and losing.