Just because Sledge is the 11 time world UFC champion doesn’t mean Sledge can’t take a little Sledge time with everyone’s favorite crusty taste sensation!
Sledge smells that crispy bread dough getting warm and then even warmer in the microwave and he wants to just punch that microwave door to pieces but he can’t because then he won’t have a microwave anymore. So Sledge waits. For though Sledge waits for no man, he waits for pockets, be they heated!
The microwave has beeped its last and now Sledge gets to open the microwave door and enjoy his hotpocket with all the resources at his disposal, which are his mouth and his hands.
But before Sledge does, Sledge has some hot insider tops for his fans who want to enjoy a hot pocket the Sledge way:
1. Everything tastes better when you are directly engaged in the art of physical combat. So be sure to eat your hot pocket while wrestling an aggressor to the ground, or while throwing sand in an opponent’s eyes to temporarily blind him.
2. I like to have another man’s sweat in my mouth while I eat a hot pocket, that way I can pretend I am biting my opponent’s rib cage open and it just so happens that he is full to bursting with melted cheese and chunks of ham.
3. Most of all, have fun!
There, now Sledge can take the hot pocket out and enjoy it in all its Sledge-a-rrific glory! Here Sledge goes, bringing it up to his mouth to enjoy, and now he bites down upon it an-
Too hot, hot pocket! Sledge throws the cursed hot pocket to the floor! Sledge hates this hot pocket and all that it stands for! Sledge steps on it and grinds it down to nothing for its insolence.
But Sledge is hungry!
But the deed is done! You can’t turn back time! All you can do is look ahead!
Oh, woe is Sledge! Now the joy has drained out of Sledge’s life. The color is gone and all the world is gray and hot pockets that don’t hurt Sledge are but a distant dream.
Now, without a hotpocket, when Sledge walks… he walks alone.